Last November I blogged about
gay rights issues contributing to my crisis of faith. It was a hard post to write because I was aware of Christians friends that I did not want ostracize, as well as atheist friends who might think I’m a crack pot fundamentalist for hanging on by a thread to some sort of Christian identity. It is a pervasively difficult topic in my life. The combination of social justice and faith can turn me from an articulate and intelligent woman to a mushy pile of hurtfulness where I feel like I am five and being viciously kicked by the very people who are telling me they love me. I wrote the post and received encouraging words from some and I was scolded by others. But in general the post was personally helpful because talking and writing tease out my thoughts and return me to a place of balance.
The current debate over Universal Health Care brings up similar disillusionment with my views of the religious community. Even though I will always be an outspoken advocate for gay rights, I had an understanding of why this was a difficult issue for many people of faith that read the Bible literally. In contrast, I do not understand why health care as a basic right is such a controversy. Of course there are people of all faiths and no faiths on both sides of the issue, but without exception, Christians are the only people I personally know who are opposed to Universal Health Care.
When I wrote about
my views on Proposition Eight, I had people telling me that the Bible is very clear on the subject and there was absolutely no room for discussion. The people who were so angry and adamant in quoting the Bible are largely the very ones that that are now opposed to health care for every American. Interesting that I am not currently hearing Bible verses that support what I can only describe as a
classist position.
Doesn’t the Bible directly speak to loving our neighbor with action?
Doesn’t it talk about “what you do for the least of these you do for me?”
Doesn’t the Bible have ample cautions toward the rich in becoming blinded by wealth and negating the poor?
Didn’t Jesus rail against establishments of power and sit with the outcast? I am perplexed.
I really don’t mean to make it sound completely black and white. These are complicated times and even when we do have Universal Health Care, there will be bumps in the road. I think there are some very intelligent people on both sides of the issue who are open to good dialogue. There are conservatives that are opposed to big government but do recognize the need for reform, just as there are the democratic blue dogs that are not 100% on board with all that has been proposed. There are no easy answers here. I get that.
But I also get that there has been a lot of hate and fear spewed by the Conservative Right.
Glenn Beck,
Michael Savage (
disgusting),
Rush Limbaugh,
James Dobson,
Bill O'Rilley,
Sean Hannity,
Ann Coulter… some of these people are comparing President Obama to Hitler and Stalin and using words like dictatorship and fascism. That is a hard pill to swallow in light of the last eight years. They are incredibly effective in evoking fear in suggesting that
healthcare and our godless and racist (!) President will be the end of America and all of her freedoms. This type of media is beyond irresponsible and just plain despicable. It is all about sound bites and ratings, and it is terrifying that there are
huge markets where people are buying this fear based bullshit propaganda that is about
perpetuating lies lies lies that translate to hate hate hate.
Oooops, I
wasn’t going to get on my soapbox that takes me to a place of anger, I was writing tonight to talk more about my softer feelings.
And here is the truth: My feelings are hurt. Injustice hurts me. It does. In the past week, I saw so many
Facebook status updates that were flat out oppressive. One person wrote that he’ll be damned if his hard earned money supports those who don’t just get a job. Another person commented that if people can’t afford health insurance it is their own fault because they don’t save money and they are poor because they are stupid. Several people wrote that this is a non-issue because nobody is refused medical treatment if they are bleeding to death, but at the same time they said there
isn’t room for good quality care for their individual rights if the lazy poor receive services too. Even more
Facebook friends wrote about their concerns of President Obama forcing their children to drink the Socialism
Kool-Aid in his message telling student to take responsiblity and to work hard. I heard blame and fear that presented itself as reactionary hatred. And, again, without exception every single one of these statements came from people who strongly identify as being Christian.
In the past year, I have received public and personal scorn for my political views as it relates to the Christian faith. I acknowledge that I am outspoken so I need to have thick skin in hearing feedback from others. But there is a difference in healthy debate and being a punching bag for people who think they have a monopoly on Truth. I have received personal emails and messages questioning if I am saved because I believe in gay rights, and I have had people tell me they are praying for me because I have obviously fallen off course. I’
ve also had a plethora of blog comments that are just plain arrogant and sometimes mean spirited (and I will also admit that telling someone to “suck it” the other day on my Kennedy post
wasn’t my best self). It is
baffling to me that people feel the need to tell me how wrong I am on my own blog or
Facebook without one ounce of being open to listening to a different perspective or to answering thoughtful questions in an attempt to really discuss issues. I’m sure there are examples of when I have tried to engage in dialogue that goes askew, but I don’t ever go on other peoples sites and ridicule them for their beliefs. Again, it is only the Christian’s in my life that have such entitlement. Sometimes I wonder if there is any sort of awareness of how comments from strangers or people I barely know in the name of God are damaging to not just my faith, but my
personhood. It can feel like a soul wound and it really wears on me.
I don’t think the personal criticism of others would impact me if I had a basic foundation of faith. But the truth is, I really don’t. It was lost years ago and I am tired of feeling that I never measure up in a Christian paradigm that I’m not even sure exists beyond our own minds. I understand Christianity to be a covenant, and I am wondering how I get out of this covenant I signed on for nearly twenty years ago. Does one really just walk away, or is there always a nagging hope of being met in a meaningful way by this person called Jesus? I was going to a church that I really liked because of their emphasis of justice and mercy. I think I had moments of experiencing Goodness, but it was really through the specific senior pastor that knew me and related to me gently. Once he left, the place felt vacant and I have been unable to return.
I suspect I will always be a person that has a spiritual hunger. But maybe after all of these years I need to look broader in order to dig deeper. Perhaps I would find more of a connection to perceived truth in another faith tradition or in
universalist movement or in a church that views the New Testament as a social gospel. Tomorrow I plan to try a church as a last ditch effort to connect to the roots of my Christian heritage. I have not regularly attended an Episcopal Church, but St Paul's is within walking distance from my house. I like their inclusivity on their
welcome page as an
oasis community and I notice they have a
new Rector coming that is a person of color. I am drawn to this and am going to check it out.
Of course I know this will not all be solved in a day. But I am going to try to find a community of people who work with under-resourced individuals and groups not out of pity or obligation, but just out of a basic sense of humanity. I am going to seek community that fights for equality and justice for all people, regardless of race, gender, age, sexual orientation, and yes, even religion and economics. I am going to look for a world view that
doesn’t blame the victim and seek to hoard resources. I am going to be intentional about finding others who are not ruled by fear. I have these friendships in my life now, and a few of my humanistic/agnostic friends love amazingly well. I have yet to really connect to a social justice and spiritual community that are integrated. With a skeptical mind and heart, I’ll dip my toe in the waters once again. If all else fails, I will return to the church of
Bono... I've watched
this clip many times and each time these sentiments resonate as my true religion.
I have written a lot, and I’m not sure if anyone is still reading. It
doesn’t really matter, this was helpful for my own process. I want to say that if you are a close friend and we have differing views, my strong feelings are not directed to you. I have several friends that do not share my political views on a variety of issues, and relationship ALWAYS trumps differences. My close friends with differing opinions are not the one leaving me comments that reek of arrogance… my friends who disagree with me love me regardless, and vise
versa. So really, this
isn’t for you. Also, I know I have Christian friends that are politically progressive... and all I can say is please keep fighting the fight and I just really wish you lived near me. I do not have many local friends that are spiritually connected and I miss that.
